jadevampyress
Fun fun and more fun
http://www.hauntingechoes.com/member.php?action=viewpro&member=JadeVampyress&ref=22453
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It's been awhile.
Well it's been awhile since I've updated anything on here. Well to start with the night terrors are getting worse Gary told me that I've acutally screamed in my sleep once. I have no idea where they come from or why I'm having them. but we've moved to Primm (it's about 45 minutes outside Las Vegas heading toward California) and It's a better apartment then the weekly we were in and it cost about 500$ less. Other then that my life is boring, uneventful, and all around dull. My mother was forced to sell the house I practically grew up in because my step father stopped paying the morgage and didn't tell her until it was 4 months past due and going into foreclosure. My little brother is falling deeper and deeper into all the things that he shouldn't be, and I don't know if he'll be able to dig his way out of it. My little sister, Amber, just graduated high school and her baby boy, Alex Jason Dean Muth Wynia, (I know it's really long name) just turned 1, my other little sister, Stacy, just made the flag team and I couldn't be prouder of the girl. My older brother couldn't care less about me or my life. I haven't talked to any of my father's family since my grandmother died over a year ago and that was just to say "yes I got my check, " and before that since the year 2002 when my father died and my family went to hell. To be honest I have nothing to say to them. My mother's side of the family I talk to my cousin Randi fairly often (at least I try to). let see what else Umm....I've grown apart from all my friends. I talk to none of them like I used to. I have no social life anymore, because I don't talk to them anymore. Even if I did talk to them I have no chick friends that I can just call up and meet somewhere. It's been YEARS since I've been to a club for a nice resturant outside of a casino buffet and cafe. I can't remember the last time that I went out and had a carefree night of fun, a night where the only worry I have is what kind of drink do I want. A night where I don't have to worry about money and don't care. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think that I'm feeling bitter because I haven't been able to do anything for me lately. I feel as though I'm working my ass off for nothing, I get to do nothing for myself anymore. There's always some kinda bill I have to pay and yet my cell phone is still off. Then when I get my hopes up that I'm going to be able to get it back on I can't. So why do I hope for amything. Is hope a fairy tale like my outlandish idea of love? Is it so wrong that I want money to spend on me like everyone else around me seems to be able to do. the last thing that I've bought myself was a 6$ box of colored pencils which I can't use because I have nothing to color. ~*~softly sighs~*~ I just want to get something in return for all the work I'm doing. Gary would argue that I'm not doing anything, that I'm not working but I am working I'm the one who cooks and cleans and makes sure he has clean socks and boxers. LIke I said I think I'm feeling bitter and underappricated because I do all this stuff and get nothing in return but a hard time. I thought I was happy but I'm not, and I want to be very very very much. I think that I've tyoed enough for the night.
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There back....
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Well their starting again, the night terrors. . . I thought they were gone for good. Their not. . . They all start the same way. . . . Those eyes. . . . That voice telling me that I’m not going to hurt anymore. . . . Then nothing. . . . Except for running. . . No matter how hard I try I can not remember a thing. . . I just wake up terrified, not being able to breath. I have a feeling that they deal with my past somehow. . . . I can’t stand the fact that there’s a part of me that I can’t see, that I can’t understand. All I know is that I can’t go through life being afraid to go to sleep. I’m stronger then that. . . I hate not knowing what terrifies me so much that make me cry in my sleep.
Well their starting again, the night terrors. . . I thought they were gone for good. Their not. . . They all start the same way. . . . Those eyes. . . . That voice telling me that I’m not going to hurt anymore. . . . Then nothing. . . . Except for running. . . No matter how hard I try I can not remember a thing. . . I just wake up terrified, not being able to breath. I have a feeling that they deal with my past somehow. . . . I can’t stand the fact that there’s a part of me that I can’t see, that I can’t understand. All I know is that I can’t go through life being afraid to go to sleep. I’m stronger then that. . . I hate not knowing what terrifies me so much that make me cry in my sleep.
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Going Home
Well we’re going home!
I’m so terrified and yet I’m so excited.
I’m finally leaving this hell hole and going home.
We’re going back to Las Vegas Nevada and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Everything and everyone I love is there.
That’s were I’m happiest. I’ve tried moving away.
I’ve date an over the road truck driver and we traveled the country.
You name it and I’ve lived there even if it was just for a day or two. From New York to Alaska I’ve been everywhere and done anything. Yet no matter where I go and how far I get. I’m not truly happy anywhere but in Vegas among my friends and family. Now I’m going back with the man I love to start over again. We moved up to Utah to get away from everything and everyone, for it to be just the two of us. We got jobs and moved in with his grandparents and for a while things were great and hen I had a miscarriage and things started going down hill from there we just weren’t happy, and I think that we were just taking it out on each other. Then we moved in with some friends and things were getting good again then we started fighting again. . . . And for 2 weeks I was dying inside because I thought I was losing the most important thing in my life. . . Then last Friday I had another miscarriage, and we talk. No I’m not going to say what we talked about that’s between me and Gary but I will say that we decided that it would be best if we moved back to where we were happiest. So were going home, back to the place we both love. I’m a woman who has very good instincts and I never ignore then I may not always follow their advice but I always listen. I should have listened when they told me moving up here was a bad idea but I didn’t and that might explain a lot of things but that’s a story for another day. Any way all my instincts are telling me that moving home is a good thing and I can’t wait till we get there.
I’m so terrified and yet I’m so excited.
I’m finally leaving this hell hole and going home.
We’re going back to Las Vegas Nevada and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Everything and everyone I love is there.
That’s were I’m happiest. I’ve tried moving away.
I’ve date an over the road truck driver and we traveled the country.
You name it and I’ve lived there even if it was just for a day or two. From New York to Alaska I’ve been everywhere and done anything. Yet no matter where I go and how far I get. I’m not truly happy anywhere but in Vegas among my friends and family. Now I’m going back with the man I love to start over again. We moved up to Utah to get away from everything and everyone, for it to be just the two of us. We got jobs and moved in with his grandparents and for a while things were great and hen I had a miscarriage and things started going down hill from there we just weren’t happy, and I think that we were just taking it out on each other. Then we moved in with some friends and things were getting good again then we started fighting again. . . . And for 2 weeks I was dying inside because I thought I was losing the most important thing in my life. . . Then last Friday I had another miscarriage, and we talk. No I’m not going to say what we talked about that’s between me and Gary but I will say that we decided that it would be best if we moved back to where we were happiest. So were going home, back to the place we both love. I’m a woman who has very good instincts and I never ignore then I may not always follow their advice but I always listen. I should have listened when they told me moving up here was a bad idea but I didn’t and that might explain a lot of things but that’s a story for another day. Any way all my instincts are telling me that moving home is a good thing and I can’t wait till we get there.
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